The art of the kiss

In my many years on this Earth, I have discovered one very disconcerting fact: Many men just do not know how to kiss me.  

I am not talking about a kiss on the cheek or the kiss you give an old aunt. I am talking about the romantic kiss, the kind of kiss that curls one’s toes, heats the loins, and sends a mind catapulting off of a cliff. The kind of kiss that so overwhelms that the recipient becomes putty in another’s hands. The kind of kiss that leaves someone utterly shaken, a mere shell of themselves, a quivering puddle of need. The kind of kiss that leaves you desperately wanting more. Yes, that kind of kiss.

I believe kissing is a lost art. Sadly, some seem to be unaware that there are many different types of kisses, among them gentle kisses, deep kisses, passionate kisses, breathless kisses, quick kisses, long kisses, wet kisses, dry kisses, gentle kisses, and stunningly erotic kisses. It is best, of course, to be skilled at a variety of kisses. A broad repertoire keeps things interesting. But more importantly, kissing does not have to lead to anything else, such as the bedroom. Sometimes, I just want to be kissed for pleasure, sometimes I want to be kissed until I destress, other times, I just want to be kissed. Two sets of lips engaged in an erotic dance, tongues exploring, tasting, sharing, can serve a whole lot of purposes!

In high school, they called it “making out.” In college, it was called “PDA” and in adulthood, some call it “foreplay.”  

I have written several stories and poems about kisses. I happen to believe they are the essence of passion, seduction, and romance. In the romance anthology, Pieces of Us, by the NuRomantics, for example, I write about the “forever kiss.” The kiss so filled with love and emotion, that you know that even if you never see your partner again, that kiss will be burned into both of your memories.

Yet, very few of the men I have dated understood the importance of the kiss. Many saw it as a means to an end. There were some, for example, who after engaging in a few kisses, believed it was time to head to the bedroom. And others who believed the sharing of lips and tongues was an invitation to paw at my clothing. And still others who believed kissing was a nuisance—unnecessary when in pursuit of an explosive climax. I will admit to breaking up with men who did not know how to kiss me, and I will also admit to marrying one of the few who did. 

And while I have relegated this discussion to the sharing of lips, I should point out that there are certainly many other types of kisses that can be planted on other body parts that also provide pleasure. Though I suspect a lack of appreciation for a kiss on the lips is reflective of an inability to bring pleasure with the lips elsewhere.

Obviously, I am very picky about how I am kissed. I am not, for example, thrilled when a man bathes my face with his tongue, forcing me to reach for a tissue to remove the residue. Nor do I appreciate it when a man bites down on my tongue or lips, drawing blood. Nips are fine, leaving teeth marks is just gauche. And I have never been a fan of a man who attempts to kiss me while his mouth is filled with foul-smelling food. That’s just gross. However, I have no doubt that what turns me off probably turns others on. Kissing is clearly an individual preference. 

I have dated a number of prominent men in my lifetime, and while my friends and relatives may have seen them as "prime catches," I had to walk away. I could not avoid the truth--no matter how much I liked and respected them, they simply did not know how to kiss me. Maybe that's a bit irrational on my part, but the way I see it, if you're going to be kissing someone for a lifetime, they had better have the skill to keep you interested.

In my opinion, kisses matter. Forget the six-pack, the full head of hair, the fat bank account, the sterling reputation.  A man needs to know how to kiss me!

Want to get crap books off the shelves? Start leaving reviews for good authors!

 I need to say this loud and clear: Book reviews matter.

They not only drive sales, they can pull great authors out of obscurity and effectively launch their careers. Not every author has a big bucks promotional machine behind them, in fact, most do not. That’s why so many mediocre books become bestsellers: It’s the marketing blitz that is driving sales, not the quality of the book itself.

Unfortunately, the only way to counter some of the crap that is out there is through book reviews. On a basic level, reviews alert other readers to good reads and emerging authors. Word-of-mouth can be an effective driver in book sales. Good reviews encourage others to take a peek at books. In addition, the number of reviews received determines whether booksellers choose to feature a new book or author in its promotions. Multiple reviews on Goodreads.com can transform a languishing book into a trending one, while Amazon.com requires that books receive at least 50 reviews to be included in its promotions.

To readers, that may seem to be a small number. To many authors, it is almost unattainable. Here’s the thing:  Even when readers profess love for a book, they are not always moved to leave a review. For example, I get emails from people telling me they like my short stories. I always thank them and ask them to leave a review. About one in 20 actually does.

After a frustrating year of encouraging people to leave reviews, I have finally concluded that the problem lies in overall communication preferences. As an author, it makes sense for me to express my appreciation for good books in writing. After all, that’s what I do. I write. But to others, written expression is not a normal pursuit. People prefer a quick and easy method of communicating—a one-word text, an emoji, a short response to an email, a five-second verbal exchange.

That makes the process of leaving a written review a technical annoyance. First, a reader must seek out a bookseller that sells the tome in question, then they must wade through multiple steps to actually leave a review. Sometimes, there are restrictions on the number of words or actual words used. Some require that the reader craft a headline or meta tags before leaving a review. Others, such as Amazon.com, require that a customer purchase $50 in merchandise before a review can be posted. And after all that effort is expended, some booksellers put readers through a verification process, which can be not only annoying, but also insulting.

That means a reader has to do more than like a book, they have to absolutely love it! Why else would they put forth so much effort?  Your mother or Aunt Minnie or your best friend may be driven by familial love to wade through the steps required to leave a review, but let’s face it, that’s not a motivation most readers share.

What’s the answer? Some authors pay for reviews, a practice I find questionable. Others, like me, try to educate readers about the value of reviews to authors and other readers. However, until publishers and booksellers simplify the review process or find a better way to encourage readers to wade through the bureaucratic  B.S. they have implemented, the good old marketing machine will win and crap books will continue to appear on the New York Times Bestseller List. 

We have become used to “the big easy” and avoid most things that require an expenditure of more time and energy. (That’s one of the reasons products like microwaveable dinners are so popular.) So unless someone creates a device that can be affixed to each book, allowing the reader to instantly record and transmit a review, many great books and wonderful authors will effectively remain on the shelf.

The quality of the writing will matter not at all. And that’s just sad.

Coming February 9 from eXtasy Books!

Kinky Briefs, Quatro!

Take another kinky romp through lawyerland!

Indulge in a walk on the wild side with these sizzling short stories about lawyers in love, with a dash of kink. Whether painting well-hung nudes at a networking event or thwarting terrorists intent on harm, to finding love despite a chronic illness or exploring kink on a train, these lawyers pursue love with a vengeance. And while affairs of the heart may come in all shapes and sizes—a law school ménage a trois, a middle-aged A.G. and a law firm associate, and a new marriage suddenly threatened by a spouse long believed dead, these relationships thrive despite the odds. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and yes, the resultant loin heating might even make you blush, but in the end, you’ll run out and buy a set of handcuffs. Because that’s the only way to defuse the sizzle created by these hot, sexy stories.

Available for preorder January 26!