SEELIE KAY: Postcards from The Ledge: Today in The Loft: Author Sean Kerr!

This morning in The Loft, I welcome my dear friend author Sean Kerr. Sean is an award-winning author of romantic paranormal/horror M/M fiction, including the "Dead Camp" series, "The Man Inside Me," and many novellas. The last year was one of many changes for Sean. After surviving a heart attack and open heart surgery, he opened his own online shop, featuring beautiful custom greeting cards and unique, handmade jewelry. He also continued to write and publish. Sean is known for his wicked sense of humor and his bawdy laugh. He lives in Cardiff, Wales with his husband, Derek, and their two cats.

(Because both our first names begin with an "S," for the purposes of this interview, Sean's responses are labeled with "K.")

Author Sean Kerr

S: Good morning, Sean! Thanks so much for hopping over "the pond" and joining me today! Let's begin with one of my favorite questions--Where do you do your best thinking?

K: In bed. You can bet, without fail, that the moment my head hits the pillow, plot points, scenes and ideas run around my brain demanding that I stay awake half the night and think about them! It’s a curse. Characters have full on conversations with me. Stories unravel with annoying regularity. Ideas for twists and turns make me toss and turn! There is a reason I have black bags the size of bollocks beneath my eyes. It comes in very handy, sometimes because if I get stuck while writing, I can often find my way out while trying to close my eyes. I think this is the curse, or the joy, of any writer. Our brains just don’t shut down.

S: I'm with you there. Often when I awake, my phone is filled with notes I don't even remember making!

What should people know about you?

K: I’m very shy. Yes, don’t all laugh at once, will you? But it's true. It’s easy on social media, because you can project a personality full of confidence and humour, because it is faceless. In real life, face to face, I freeze up. When I attended my first author signing event, "Shimmer in Birmingham 2017," I was so frightened I couldn’t stop shaking. I even signed a book with the wrong name because I was so very nervous. I cover everything up with this larger than life humour, when much of the time I’m wilting away inside wondering what the hell I am doing. Confidence is something I have to work very hard at, and I have never mastered it. However, it will never stop me, because I love what I do. I love this mad world of authors we live in, and I love all the fabulous people in it, readers and authors alike, and it is a privilege to be a part of it with them.

S: Wow. You had me fooled. Between that bellowing laugh and ever present smile, you are the picture of a confident gentleman!

Why do you write romance?

K: Writing romance happened by accident. So I am going to put this out there. Here we go. I am a massive Twilight fan! I saw the first film, then I went out and bought the books, and waited with everyone else until each new book was released, and I devoured them. I was obsessed. And just so you know, I am team Edward. But because writing has always been something I wanted to do, and because I have always had an unhealthy obsession with Vampires, reading those books made me want to write again, and to create my own Vampire mythology. Then the first "50 Shades" book hit. Now I haven’t read them, but there was such a big hurrah over that first book that it got me thinking. I wanted to write something with the romantic feel of twilight, but with the dirty filth of "50 Shades." So "Dead Camp" was born. Of course, as I researched the books and wrote out the plots for each book in the series, it became something altogether different, darker, sexier, more frightening, because it dealt with World War II. But the romance side of it came from my love of Twilight and my need to write a dirty version! (Laughs.) Back then, five years ago, I had no idea the MM world existed. I just wanted to write a full on gay book, with real feelings and emotions, and real hot "oh my god’"sex scenes. And my journey into the world of MM literature started.

S: Complete this sentence, "Writing is..."

K: ...part joy and part tears. I love what I do. Writing has brought me so much joy and so many friends, and it is something I have wanted all my life. I was writing stories when I was a small kid. It truly is an absolute passion and I try to show that with every word I write. But it is also heart-breaking. When you see your book sitting on Amazon with no sales next to it, that’s the hardest thing. I write with all my heart, and I write because I want people to read my books and get lost in my stories. Finding an audience is getting increasingly difficult and that sends me on a downward spiral, because it feels like I have done something wrong or I am not good enough. I know I’m not a conventional MM writer or romance writer. I write about subjects and stories that interest me, and maybe that is not necessarily what people want to read. My books are mostly dark, disturbing, scary, and complex, and to write that, with such intensity is a thrill to me. But there is an audience out there for me somewhere. I firmly believe that and I will keep trying to reach them.

S: You aren't alone in that dilemma. As a new writer, it is tough to build name recognition and develop an audience. And many times, it is disheartening. But we keep on, keeping on, because we are writers and words flow from our hearts.

Complete this sentence, "When one of my books is released, ..."

K: ...I bend over and kiss my ass goodbye! And don’t lie, every author does the same. We all rush onto social media and announce our books, and sit there watching Amazon, clicking those buttons every couple of minutes to see how many have sold. That’s the down side of this business. A release is very exciting, but also very scary. I love it! With every book I have hope, because you never know, this could be the one to make it! Every new release has the potential to make an author and I think that is a thrill.

S: You're right, of course. Release days are both thrilling and terrifying.

So, what do you crave?

K: This is going to be very shallow of me, and I apologize in advance. The one thing I really crave is success as an author. Seriously. I would give my left tit! You see, I love this world so much. I love my fellow authors. They are a joy in my life and my readers fill my heart. But I would love this to be my full-time job. I would love to know how it feels to see your books in the shops. What if someone optioned your book for a series or a film? Wow! Or your book sold thousands. I know that success means different things to everyone, but for me, it would be my books doing well and being read by a lot of people. That is the ultimate for any author I think. I’m sorry if that sounds self-centered, I certainly don’t mean it to be. Its just that this passion burns through my veins and I just so much want to see it go up to the next level.

S: (Chuckles.) We all have that dream, Sean. My friends want it so bad for me, they have began "casting" my books. I want my books to be appreciated just as much as you do and I would kill for an HBO or NetFlix series.

Do you have an "alternative occupation?"

K: My day job used to be interior designer, and I had a business for 13 years, full-time. Circumstances changed rather dramatically and the business no longer exists. I found that I was having difficulty finding a job, so I decided to do it for myself, again. Not many authors make a full-time living and I am no exception. So, when I am not writing, I make handmade cards and paper art, as well as a large range of handmade jewellery. It is a brand new adventure for me, but I absolutely love it. And fingers crossed, it has been very well received so far and with any luck, it will go from strength to strength. (Editor's Note: Check out Sean's sales site at: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/KerrCards?ref=seller-platform-mcnav)

S: I have seen your cards and your jewelry, and I think they are very reflective of your heart. They are absolutely beautiful!

If you could live in any period of time, when would it be and why?

K: I think I would like to live 100 years in the future. I would love to live in a time of peace, of contact with other worlds, in a society of fabulous invention and technology. The past is the past, and I would rather live in an age where we have learned from our mistakes and found a way to live together in happiness and respect. Having said that, the time we live n is remarkable for so many reasons. Every day, things change, and we are all at least trying to make things better. So there is hope in that, I think.

S: If you could "seize the day," how would you do it?

K: I would seize the day by saying "yes." Let me explain. I have spent much of my life saying "no" to things because of work commitments, fear, lack of funds. Recently, I have come to understand that life is truly too short and maybe we should say "yes" to a few more things.

S: A paranormal invites you to host a dinner with five guests, all prominent figures in history who are now deceased. Who would you invite and why

K: Now this would be a fun dinner party! Bram Stoker. He set me on the journey of wanting to write and he is a hero of mine. Judy Garland, because, well, come on, I’m gay! (Laughs.) Who doesn’t want to have dinner with Judy Garland? H. G. Wells, because he was the pioneer of science fiction. I think the man had the most amazing imagination and I love his books. Queen Victoria, because I have written about her a lot, and she fascinates me. Such a powerful, indomitable woman, and yet vulnerable and very lonely. Albert Einstein, because he changed our world with his incredible mind. I may not understand a single thing he would talk about, but he would fascinate me all the same!

S: Man, I would love to be a fly on that wall! (Chuckles.) Judy Garland and Queen Victoria would either become fast friends or despise one another! Oh, the drama!

Name one person, book,or song who/that inspires flights of fantasy.

K: Elizabeth Kostova. She wrote "The Historian." It is a historical supernatural thriller involving Dracula, and is one of, if not the most, mesmerizing books I have ever read. It is so very complex, using history to tell a vast story, and the detail and the way she structures her book inspire me every time I read it. I have recently read it for the fifth time, while I was writing "The Man Inside Me," because it kept me locked in a particular way of writing. I finished writing the book and reading hers, and she always leaves me breathless. I am most proud of this new book over anything else I have written, and part of that is because of Elizabeth Kostova. The way she allows her book to unfold through the eyes of her characters was instrumental to me writing "The Man Inside Me," and her use of detail and language really helped me to stay focused. Plus, it is one of the most chilling and spooky books I have ever read.

S: A genie grants you one wish. What is it?

K: This is a hard one. I have made many mistakes that I would like to erase. There is only one thought that fills my mind, and that is to go back in time and tell myself not to open a shop. It was 13 years of heartache and stress, and it nearly killed me. It has left me in a dreadful position. So if I am going to be honest, that is what I would do.

S: (Begins to sing, "Regrets, I've had a few...") Sorry, that brought Sinatra's song, "My way," to mind. We all have regrets and yes, a chance to erase them would be welcome.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

K: Being with my boyfriend for 30 years. I say that for a reason. We have been through much together, as many couples do. But recently, I went through a life changing, and almost life ending experience. Derek is a nurse and when I collapsed dead on the street, he saved my life. He brought me back. And he has saved me in so many ways over the last 30 years. He is my greatest achievement and my greatest love. He was the beginning of my life and he will be the end of my life. To have had that for so many years, and for us to still have so many years ahead of us, is the greatest thing in my life.

S: That is so beautiful. And I, for one, am so glad that he was there that day to save you!

If you could have any animal in the universe as a pet, what would it be and why?

K: A Dalek. Lets face it, they are the ultimate evil in the Universe, so they can answer the phone and tell the cold callers to fuck off! The Dalek can answer the door and exterminate unwanted guests. Plus, it would be so handy for nipping to the shops in. Plus, they have really good suckers…

S: (Blushes.) Okay... You are offered on of the following gifts--A day back in time, a glimpse into heaven, or perfect health. Which would you pick?

K: I would like a day back in time. My aunt, Laura, had Down Syndrome. We were very, very close. I spent a great part of my life with her. We were both "Doctor Who" fans, and nothing would give me greater pleasure than going over to her house with a new "Doctor Who" video for her to watch. I was there when she left us. She was very ill, and I would travel to Swansea on my days off and the weekends to be with her. My heart has never got over it and I miss her every single day. She was the most beautiful, loving, funny, and gorgeous person who has ever been in my life. Some 20 years ago, Derek, me, Laura and my Nan went on a week's holiday to Scotland together. Derek drove us all around Scotland and we explored many islands. It was a very special week. Derek and I took Laura onto Loch Ness on a boat trip, monster hunting. With every ripple in the water she swore she saw the monster. If I could go back, just for one day, it would be for that one perfect day. After the boat trip, we went to a pancake house, and we laughed so hard because she swore the monster was watching us. (Laughs.) It was my perfect day, with Laura, my Nan, and my Derek.

S: That is so incredibly sweet. Both Laura and your Nan sound like incredible people. I wish I could have met them!

Sean, thanks so much for joining me today. As always, your joyful spirit and open heart always make me smile.